THE QUALITY OF REMINDING
January 18th, 2024 | San Francisco, CA
Thoughts rush by, so many it’s hard to count them, much less grasp them. One hundred thousand miles an hour. Music continues to be my saving grace. It has the quality of reminding.
Of connection. Of movement.
And it is my soul as well as my body that moves. How would I survive without it? I’m close. It’s terrifying. But freeing also.
The liberation. The integration. The exhale. Nothing relieves quite like an exhale. Deep. Powerful. Release. So much cooped up. I feel it in others. They seek it too. Release. I will try to be the inhale. And will emulate music, that same quality. The culmination of all the failures of my life. All that pain, finally, released. I have conquered(or am beginning to)my biggest enemy.
Fear.
And I know the antidote to fear now. It is not courage, though a fair bit is required. It is acknowledging what it means to be free. Free-will is a terrible burden. One mankind hasn’t had much success in bearing. I have it. I’m almost there.
It’s as heavy as a mountain. It’s terrifying.
I’m scared.
