WEIGHT

May  16th, 2024 |  San Francisco, CA

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I drank wine last night and I told the truth.

In vino veritas, as they say. I find the truth has a… heaviness to it, a quality of weight. 

Sometimes the weight settles on my chest. And I can’t quite shake it off. There is, in my heart, a pervasive feeling of… wrongness. It all feels… wrong. And I stumble forward, like in a drunken state, as if dreaming. Manic and wild in my confusion as others shrink and shy away from me in fear or wariness. 

Or look on from a safe distance, in indifferent amusement.  It is… reassuring, in a way.

Loneliness and being alone, in such sharp contrast. How could I not find some sense of… fascination in it? How could I not? 

The weight reanimates me. I feel its crushing pressure. Pushing me to act. Pushing me to reconcile. To do… something. The discovery of this something keeps me shambling forward.

Towards what I hope, is truth.

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A DANGEROUS THING

March 28th, 2024 |  San Francisco, CA

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So many heavy sighs….

 The few people who can hold a serious conversation seem lost in their own sauce. I empathize. 

Hardly any room for frustration. Yet, I am overflowing with it. 

Frustration. So much of it. Mostly at myself. But even then that seems misguided. I knew this would happen, and thought:

“Oh, I’ll deal with this should the eventuality come to pass.”

It’s here. Before me. Choices. Conversations. Regression or progression. 

Truth is an amazing thing. It is a dangerous thing. Because truth is simple. 

Humans are complicated. 

We struggle with an objective view of events. Perspectives always warring. Unspoken power struggles. We protect ourselves. We survive. 

I am protecting myself, aren’t I? In order to survive. To progress, one must be at peace with oneself and one’s circumstances. This is the stage. It’s been in suspense for too long. Let’s have at it then. What is life without a little drama? Without a few secrets. This idyllic fantasy. 

Who am I fooling? 

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