SINCE THE START OF THE PANDEMIC, I BEGAN
JOURNALING
MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS.
THE END OF THE WORLD
August 31st, 2023 | San Francisco, CA
I dreamed about the end of the world. But the world isn’t ending. Maybe a world is ending, and I find myself wondering which. I continue to struggle with the daily affairs of my chosen profession. Though, I do find myself rejoicing(and being frustrated) by the human element.
Writing for things I do not care about continues to be impossible. I would like to finish one thing before moving on to another. Finishing the book is proving to be a taller task than I first imagined. But I am enjoying the process. And the support of one is all I need to keep going. So, I keep going.
I am worried for myself, but I cannot go through life worrying about everything.
Some things will just have to wait their turn. I’ll get to them soon enough.
August 24th, 2024 | San Mateo, CA
And I did get to them. See? -Future Gaël
A MAN WHOSE HONESTY REACHES THIS POINT
August 31st, 2023 | San Francisco, CA
My notes on conformity from my readings by Ralph Waldo Emmerson:
“All goes well as long as you run with the conformists. But you, who are an honest man in other particulars, know that there is alive somewhere a man whose honesty reaches to this point also, that he shall not kneel to false gods, and, on the day when you meet him, you sink into the class of counterfeits.”
“It is only as a man puts off all foreign support, and stands alone, that I see him to be strong and to prevail. He is weaker by every recruit to his banner.”
“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction… that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.”
-Ralph Waldo Emmerson
SURFACE RIPPLES
August 29th, 2023 | San Francisco, CA
A semblance of normalcy returns. These last few weeks have been particularly grueling. But, with some support, I’ve managed to make it through. I do sense a larger detachment in myself towards things I’ve started classifying as “surface ripples”.
These ongoings- events that, though wide spanning, are only the most shallow, the most base, in terms of immediate perception. Or at least, how I perceive them.
I am… Unsure what is holding me back. I now have what I need. What more is there?
I should start.
I still feel so incredibly burdened. And I guess, in many ways, I still am. That hasn’t changed.
I am too apathetic towards these things. These surface ripples.
I have more than just myself to think about now though. Be better.
For her.
THE RIGHT THING
May 27th, 2023 | San Francisco, CA
What kind of person do I actually want?
Who am I?
I am deeply flawed. I am such an overthinker. I am anxious. That I am, maybe, chasing the wrong thing…
What do I think is the right thing?