I WAS ONCE A FOOL

An arrogant fool, at that.

As most fools tend to be. Now, I’d like to believe I am only just a fool.

At least now, I am a fool who does not suffer other fools, telling me that they are wise.

We’re all foolish, in some way or other. I was foolish to think I could live life, un-conscientiously. With little regard to my actions, how they impacted me. How they impacted other people. Yes, I was once a fool. An arrogant fool. Like most young men who get a taste for life. And drink of it, a little too deeply.

I think maybe I knew- that at the end of this road, death awaited. Maybe I always knew, deep down in my gut, that I was afraid of death. So, I slowly set about self-destructing before death of any kind could find me. And I admit to, at one point, not even sparing it a thought.

“Is he on drugs?” I once had someone ask about me. Granted, they didn’t know me personally.

But my behavior was thus, that to an outsider, I seemed to display the qualities of a substance addict. Not in full grasp of his faculties.

Now, I am a substance addict, in full grasp of his faculties. And I must say, it is liberating, just like it was back then. Even though now, the substances are of a more chemical nature, and I must wake from the stupor, to reluctantly return to that which I used to drink so deeply of.

I am fool. I know it because I often weep.

And what else should I call a man with two good arms and legs, a full belly, and a solid grasp on all his faculties- who laments his lot in life, while he stills draws breath?

I’m a fool because I seek change.

Mostly for myself, because I find changing others to be too tall a task. And I haven’t yet found a way to crack that particular puzzle. Though, I think- I hope, that I’ve stumbled upon a piece.

And I don’t quite know what the full picture holds, and I’d be an even bigger fool to think I ever could.

But something tells me I can get a bit more clarity, enhance the image so to speak, through those who, like me, have stumbled onto pieces of their own. And together… who knows, maybe this puzzle becomes a task not so shrouded in impossibility.

After all, we are all fools, in some way or other.