AN OLD FRIEND- WHO NEEDS HIM?

“brave. An old friend- who needs him? It is two men of equal wealth and equal birth who contract friendship and marriage, not a rich man and a pauper… an old friend- who needs him?

-The Mahabharata, c. Third century B. C.

An old friend. Who needs him. I understand the sentiment. Life is littered with the refuse of people who “used to be” our friends. But now… they’re only old friends- and who really needs those?

I get it. I do. Paths diverge. Connections fray, with distance, with time. And yet… there is something to be said about a well-aged friend. One who has, through life’s natural trials and tribulations, matured, and come unto his/her own, as a person. Maybe even, as a new friend.

One whose ties to us are not, non-existent. No longer firm, but not fully broken. The quote from the Mahabharata, written in the third century, could not have predicted how frayed and disconnected we would all become.

An old friend… Who needs him? Someone who has none, or precious few. Someone who does not know how to make more. Someone too afflicted with the malaise that can often come with living in a harsh, and expectant world.

Both circumstances best, and more easily navigated, with a friend. Maybe this is why we hang on to old friends, instead of well-aged friends. The familiarity is… comforting, like a childhood memento. A reminder, of all the times we weren’t alone. Even if, sometimes, we would’ve benefitted greatly from the solitude.

And the fear we carry, that time lost is time that must be gotten back, recuperated somehow. We confuse the past with the present, because an old friend is not always a good friend, but we are sometimes too close to be objective. Too attached.

And because it is hard, making a friend. It is an act of vulnerability many grow less and less accustomed to as we age. Fraught as we can become with insecurity and pain. We do not make friends easily because we do not wish to be rejected. Rejection from a friend can sometimes hurt worse than that of a loved one or a family member.

Because, I’ve found, when a friend leaves they can often do so, without announcement, over a period of, (not always) mutual estrangement. And often through no fault of theirs or our own. But the mind usually needs a scapegoat, to heap our troubles onto.

Otherwise who would we blame for the connection loosening, then slipping away altogether?

Ourselves? Certainly, not.

Besides, an old friend- who needs him?